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Every day, we are faced with decisions. What will I wear? How will I show up? How will I respond to the road rage of the stranger tailgating me? Which employee will I need to let go of today? Decisions can be difficult which is why Servant leaders must understand and develop a capacity for discernment. Sardello (2012) describes discernment is a “meta-virtue” (p. 1). Discernment requires leaders to simultaneously practice openness and containment, two dichotomous qualities which are incredibly challenging to achieve without some level of self-awareness. In many respects, discernment is the virtue of all virtues because it allows Servant leaders to decide which value will guide them in any given decision they face. Sparough et al (2010) write, “When the matter is an important one, it stands to reason that the struggle in our conflicted hearts would intensify” (p. 115).  My discernment process, which is inspired by the Ignation discernment model, starts with daily meditation, which moves me to notice feelings of consolation and desolation. Consulting the guidance of my mentors allows me to further explore the movements of consolation and desolation which ultimately informs my decision making process.

The planning process for the BCFP Capstone Seminar has required discernment. I’ve continued to visualize myself facilitating the seminar throughout the planning process. I’m having fun, the participants are engaged, and I’m inspiring a learning organization. I feel energized and have a great sense of joy in what I’m doing. I’m also feeling incredibly anxious when I visualize myself facilitating the seminar. What if I fail? What if the participants don’t resonate with the content? What if I freeze and forget what I’m talking about? Visualization is part of my personal decision making process which allows me to sense movements of consolation and desolation. Seeking the guidance of my mentors has helped validate my feelings of consolation as it pertains to this particular decision. Kevin and Abbey have been extremely supportive and kind throughout the planning process, creating a space for me to express my fears. They continues to validate that I’m on the right path and encourage me to continue to take care of myself throughout this busy time.

Thompson (2000) writes, “The more one nurtures and cultivates an inner connection, the greater one’s chance of ‘catching’ the creative spirit as it passes” (p. 162). Inner connection or self-awareness is the foundation of my Servant leadership philosophy. In this situation, I could easily choose to listen to my fears. Will I let fear stand in the way of my decision to follow through and execute on the facilitation of the BCFP Capstone Seminar? Or will I choose to “catch” creativity as it passes? Paying closer attention to my feelings of consolation and seeking the guidance of others when I find myself going to this dark place has helped me through this journey. I’ve learned that it is inevitable that I will continue to face difficult decisions as I progress on my leadership journey. I’ve also learned that it’s important to listen to movements of consolation and desolation and call on trusted mentors to guide me through my journey.  Whether my decisions are small or big, I will continue to apply the Ignatian discernment model because it allows me to better serve others.

Food for Thought:

1. What guides your decisions?
2. Think of something you’re currently striving to achieve. Visualize yourself obtaining that goal each day for a week. How do you feel? What do you sense?
3. How do you discern between moments of consolation and desolation?