[Digital image]. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.pinterest.com/pin/448178600404433968/

It’s Friday afternoon. I’m home from work and having some Hugge time (see my post on Joy for more information on Hugge).  It’s pouring outside, which isn’t surprising on a March day in Seattle. Marley, my sweet pup, is curled up on the rug beside me. I have a candle lit and I’m playing a little Anderson Pakk. Over the last two weeks I’ve been in conflict. This conflict is between myself and another person, but most deeply with myself over the question of forgiveness. How can I forgive someone when I felt so diminished by the words they have said to me? How would I approach this situation as a Servant leader amidst the conflict, judgment, cynicism and fear I feel inside? I realized this was a call to action to think through what Gonzaga has taught me over the last two years. This Graduate program was always more than a piece of paper for me. All along I knew there were things I was learning that were enriching my relationships with others and myself. Conflict transformation is one of those topics that I believe has made me a more creative and empathetic human being.

Lederach (2003) writes, “Conflict is normal in human relationships, and conflict is a motor for change. Transformation provides a clear and important vision because it brings into focus the horizon toward which we journey- the building of healthy relationships and communities, locally and globally” (p. 5). Conflict allows us to grow. It let’s us understand ourselves. Through Gonzaga’s program, I’m now aware of my strengths as a leader and as a human being. I’m also now more aware of where I need to put in the work. Empathy is one of my strengths. However, empathy also has a dark shadow. It means I hang onto things. I hold the burden of others and myself way too deeply. This week in particular I’ve fallen trap to cynicism, fear, and judgment. However, in spite of this conflict, I’ve been able to a wonderful realization about the world. I cannot judge another based on their shortcomings. Human beings are complex. We all handle situations, circumstances, and conflict in different ways based on our deep rooted schemas that stem from our personal narratives. Coming to this realization has helped me to realize that forgiveness is essential for transformation to occur. I must forgive and recognize the humanity of the person who I’m in conflict with. I recognize that this person might not want to forgive me and I am at peace with that. I must love them wholeheartedly, and this means forgiving them. I feel free. Yesterday, I had an incredible yoga class with my favorite yoga teacher, Morgan Zion. The premise of the class was that we can choose freedom or we can choose to be bound. This particular conflict has taught me how freeing it is to forgive another and love them deeply for all that makes them human.

Food for Thought:

1. Where, whether that be throughout history or a personal experience, have you witnessed conflict transformation?
2. Think of a conflict that has involved you. How could the conflict be transformed through an understanding of the others’ personal narrative?
3. What is your experience of choosing to be free in spite of being bound?
4. What are your strengths and how can you leverage them in the face of conflict?